ZOSHA'S WAKE: Betrayal...!!!!

Have you ever sat with with a loved one and all of a sudden became overwhelmed with dread because you suddenly realized that you have betrayed them..?.........you trampled their trust...!.......you lived a lie...! These are my thoughts as I sit here down below in ZOSHA talking to you. The warm embrace of her lovely salon holds me in comfort and security as a nasty front moves through. The sound of creaking dock lines emanates through her hull as she gently bucks in her slip keeping time with the jumbled wave pattern rolling through the fairway. The little tempest howls outside but it's peaceful in here....warm....quiet...comfortable. Oh! what have I done...?
Our time together was supposed to be forever....that was my promise ! Now ??? I don't know...!
Maybe its my years that prevents me from being true. Maybe its a realization that my limitations outweigh her potential...! Maybe I've concluded that she is unworthy of me. It's not her fault. She has been true to me...always....I've never doubted that....She's been there patiently waiting for me to deliver my promises It's not her!! It's me that screwed this all up!!!
Some of you probably know that I just got back from hanging around the west coast of Mexico on the Sea of Cortez. While there, I became one more victim of an irresistible siren. My will power vanished. My resolve melted away. My promises of fidelity forgotten.
What have I done? How could I have done this to you my lovely ZOSHA? What am I going to do?
How can I fix this??? "You bastard", I think of myself. "You did it now, you dumb ass !" is another self recrimination that continually crosses my mind.... !
"Dude! what the heck did you do?" you must be asking yourself by now? Well, let me tell you, I fell in love and succumbed to temptation and...and.....and..... rented a house for a year overlooking the Sea!. 1500 miles away from my ZOSHA. "Where does this leave her" you ask? "Can you afford to keep her and the house too?" you ponder. "I don't know and NO" is my answer...........The house will be available to me in April or May 2014.......maybe by then the solution to this dilemma will present itself.....